oh waves, do you bleed when you scrape your body against those rocks?
oh rain, does it hurt when you beat yourselves against our bodies?
oh rocks, is it too painful for you support our weight?
oh wind, how do you manage to bend yourself into fanciful shapes?

we live in such a colourful world, a fantasy. but do we really know how the elements of this earth feel?

we only care about ourselves.





i feel miserable. more of 'felt', rather. but nevertheless, part of it still lingers. i can't put an end to this feeling i had been experiencing the past few days. (or was it 'weeks'?) i have to face this issue, but it's too abstract, too subtle, although the tension is almost palpable.

today, when we were at the beach, i chanced upon a seashell. it wasn't pretty. nothing exclusive about it. but it made me bend down and pick it up. almost instantly, a surge of emotions ran through every vein in my body. i wanted to cry. wanted to bear it all out. all those emotions that were bottled deep inside. every issue that was caged inside my heart. take that key and unlock it, i'll erupt like a dormant volcano ready to explode. but what good does it do? i'm not good at blaming people. i always try to understand and eventually, i take the fault on me and murder myself. there is a limit to everything, though. i can't always push things aside and give in. i can't always put my pride and happiness behind yours. i can't always let you have it your way.. it's wrong. it just is.

nonetheless, i can't bring myself to tell you all these. how am i to put it in words? how am i to tell you i can't put up with it anymore? or should i just say i'm utterly disappointed in you now?

if i don't hurt your feelings, i'll hurt mine and i have been having this self-affliction. persecute vanessa, she's not worth a penny.

lies. illusions. disbelief. neglectfulness. insensitivity. selfishness.
mine's just pain. wounds. disillusionment.